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My Mother, with love

I always do my best to avoid you.

Dear Mother, Hi I know you miss me I always do my best to avoid you. You see, even though we seem to have made our peace The trauma you caused still resides deep within me. Every hug you give reminds me of every moment of isolation Every sweet smile reminds me of every scowl and glare Every single "I love you, my baby" Reminds me of ever "you ditzy bitch" Every loving hand on my neck reminds me of every forceful hold to gain control Every pat on the back reminiscent of a painful slap. Every sign of love only acts as a symbol of guilt Driving into me the idea that you were better than I made you out to be. That in CWC when I wrote my statement about how you treated me was just a teenager trying to manipulate her broken family and reap the benefits. And not that I was living in a house where I was a maid Raising my brother and staying at home every day While other kids went to school or played I would have to stay in the next room and wait for your next outburst Telling me "You should go live with your father. Make life easier for all of us." That I wasn't raised in a household with you at the helm An insane captain sailing the ship into stormy waters because those are the only ones you've ever sailed.